Sharing the pain

A father whose baby is diagnosed with spina bifida wrote me an email the other day. He sounded worried and sad for his child's predicament. I remembered the day when I learned that Anya has hydrocephalus. I pictured her as a baby with a very large head, sunset eyes, few hair -- someone who has been painted by our local media. When I went to the neuro surgeon, he discussed to me what to expect about Anya - she may have abnormal intelligence, a cripple -- in other words, she is not going to be normal. But for me, she is. She is just perfect.

I am attempting to complete a blog about Spina Bifida in the Philippines. My capacity is to research about it - qualitatively and quantitatively. I would want to do a census, go to every barangay health center and ask if there is one in their community. I might start in LB, then the nearby barangays. I really don't know how to start. But I know, one day, this will come -- create an about this congenital condition, eventually help our lawmakers create a law that requires milk and bread to have folate on it, have partnership with neuropediatricians and nurses on how to take care of kids with spina bifida.

As of now, this is still my dream. Create the social landscape of spina bifida in the country - get the numbers, have support groups, do a paper . . . I hope our dear Lord will guide me through.

This is for you Anya. What mommy does is for you.

Inspiring and delicious

Les and I have movie dates almost everyday. Everyday, we choose movies which we will watch later in the evening, or more often, after 12am. Last night, we came across a movie starring Meryl Streep and Amy Adams - who are my favorite actresses. The story is about Julia Child (played by Streep), an American cook who introduced French cuisine in America's households; and Julie Powell, a writer who claimed that she never finished anything. Powell, a natural foodie, attempted to cook all the recipes in Child's book Mastering the Art of French Cooking and blogged about it.

I will not go further on some movie technicalities like the script or direction, but I am impressed with set design, costume and acting abilities of the actresses. Since the movie Doubt, these girls never failed me. And I love them both in their musical movies - Meryl's Mama Mia and Amy's Enchanted. Brilliant brilliant beauties!

This movie is very inspiring and sends the message of hope to women who do not know where to put themselves. Both Julie and Julia found themselves creating a career out of the things that they like doing most - eat and cook. Their passion to cooking gave way to making their mark on America's kitchens.

I always tell my girlfriends who think that they are lost and bewildered to find do the things that they are most passionate about. Now, I have a specific example that it is possible to earn and enjoy at the same time. Julie and Julia.

The winning design, which was submitted by Mr Achilleus Coronel of the Philippines, was chosen

New logo for World Day for
Audiovisual Heritage
© UNESCO

After Anya's demise, her dad and I focused on things that we like doing - I teach and research, Les draws. To cope with grieving, Les drew and joined competitions. One day, I came across the Logo Competition of UNESCO for the World Audio Visual Heritage Day. As a former cultural officer and a self-claimed communication researcher, I encouraged Les to join this contest. Aside from the good prize pot, Les and I are for digitization of old files, music, entertainment and any other audio-visual and print resources. Les worked on this contest for quite awhile. He did this very seriously, thinking of the details of his logo thoroughly.

I am so glad he won. He deserves this.

I am so thankful to our Creator for this opportunity. We missed Anya so much today.

Thanks

Last week, I went to PGH to settle Anya's bill and donate two pulse oximeters for the Pediatric wards. The pulse oximeters were donated by the UPLB community - as organized by the UPLB De Molay Fraternity and the band, Sugarfree. Sugarfree held a concert for Anya's benefit. But since Anya left us, we decided to donate the proceeds to the Philippine General Hospital Department of Pediatrics.



This blog post is dedicated to all those who have helped us financially during Anya's sickness. I was able to seek help from Senators and the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office. Among the senators, I want to thank Sen. Alan Peter and Pia Cayetano, Sen. Rodolfo Biazon, Sen. Migs Zubiri, Sen. Loren Legarda, Sen. Chiz Escudero, Sen. Jinggoy Estrada, Sen. Kiko Pangilinan, Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile and Sen. Lito Lapid (who have written the endorsement letter for PCSO).

I sincerely thank my batchmate, Ebe Dancel and his bandmates, Sir Jal, Kaka and Ardee for their generous time and talent. Guys, you will help a lot of sick kids in PGH. You deserve your success. And of course the UPRHS Batch 93. Les and I are very grateful for all your prayers, support and concern. Ang galing talaga ng batch natin.

I still miss Anya everyday, but I am sure my little baby is happy in heaven. A lot of people have shown love recently - love to her and others.

Anya is in heaven

This reading taken from the Bible assures me that Anya is definitely with Jesus. This goes out to all mothers who have lost a child. Let us not worry, but be thankful that God assures us that our children are with Him.

Picture taken from here

Gospel
Mt 18:1-5, 10, 12-14
1 At this time the disciples came to Jesus and said, 'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven?'

2 So he called a little child to him whom he set among them.

3 Then he said, 'In truth I tell you, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven.

4 And so, the one who makes himself as little as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.

5 'Anyone who welcomes one little child like this in my name welcomes me.

10 'See that you never despise any of these little ones, for I tell you that their angels in heaven are continually in the presence of my Father in heaven.

12 'Tell me. Suppose a man has a hundred sheep and one of them strays; will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hillside and go in search of the stray?

13 In truth I tell you, if he finds it, it gives him more joy than do the ninety-nine that did not stray at all.

14 Similarly, it is never the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.

Pictures of me

I picked this from another blog and found it fun. I thought I would not be able to finish tonight (or this am) but I did. Most of the pictures were taken within the onset of a digital camera. I did not have much pictures when I was younger. This digital age brought in wonders such as the digital camera. After surveying my pictures and the instructions of this "article", I just realized that Anya really had an impact in my life. Most of the pics relate to her and her dad. I love you Daddy Les and Baby Anya!


A picture of me in my room



A picture of me on my recent bday




The youngest picture I can find of yourself in digital form. This was taken in, if I am not mistaken, Summer of 2003.


A picture of me in one of my favorite outfits. I just love maternity clothes!


A picture of me making a goofy face at the camera.


A picture me which I might have edited. This is my first friendster pic. Hahaha.


A picture of me being truly myself


My most recent picture. Taken July 30 @ Sugarfree's benefit concert for Anya


A picture of me being absolutely ridiculous.


A picture of a time in my your life that's over, but I wish it wasn't


A picture of me that I had no idea was being taken



A picture of me when I was different person than I am now. THIN.



A picture of me with someone I love.



A picture of how I'd like the world to see me.




A picture that describes how I'd like to spend every day.



A picture of a time when everything was changing.




A picture that makes my heart hurt.



A picture that makes my heart smile



A picture of one of the best days / nights of your life




Here's the list.
Here is the list:
1. a picture of you in your room
2. a picture of your very drunk
3. a picture of you on your birthday, or your favorite holiday
4. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.
5. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.
6. a picture of you making a goofy face at the camera
7. a picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive
8. a picture of a night you regret
9. a picture of you being truly yourself
10. your most recent picture.
11. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.
12. a picture of you showing off a new haircut / color
13. a picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't
14. a picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful that it is.
15. a picture of you when you were anything but happy
16. a picture of you that you had no idea was being taken
17. a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now.
18. a picture of you with someone you love.
19. a picture of how you'd like the world to see you.
20. a picture that describes how you'd like to spend every day.
21. a picture of a time when everything was changing.
22. a picture that makes your heart hurt.
23. a picture that makes your heart smile
24. a picture of one of your best days / nights of your life

Try it out :)

Anya and love

Chichi did this drawing of Anya. Chichi tells me that Anya is now in heaven, smiling at us -- with big eyes. She always carries this bear angel and tell me that it was Anya. Chichi is a very bright, smart and talented girl. I am so thankful for having her around. She assures me everyday that Anya is doing well. Everytime Chichi sees me crying, she draws Anya - like this one.

As I reflected on losing Anya but loving her immensely, one message I got was:

Love is everlasting. When we feel love, God is with us. He wants us to know how much He loves us. He shares His love so we can share love too. His existence is proven with how we love and the fact that love exists. The love of a parent is the same with God's love. All love boils down to God. Difficulties are eased by love. If one is looking for love, just look for God and love is just right there. If we will love, accept, forgive, hope and trust in God, then the world will be peaceful.

God, through Jesus, came to this world to bring love and for people to realize that God cares for the sick, suffering and the children. We, who witnessed God's love should testify, write and share our everyday journey - no matter how ridiculous we may sound for others.

Life is not really a box of chocolates - because chocolates are good. But I move on everyday, trying to live normally despite of the grieving. Thank you for those who are continually praying for us. thanks so much.